Desperately Trying to Make Him Fall for You

I am a woman. I know how we work. YES. I do try to lure MR. RIGHT to me but with the wrong moves. GUILTY AS CHARGED.

Let me ask you, what are the ways you've done to make him fall for you?

Changed your hairstyle? Changed the color? Dress provocatively or conservatively to suit him? Smoke? Learned how it works in his circle? BELIEVE ME. I KNOW. Been there, done that, never bought a shirt.

So what if I tell you, you're doing it ALL WRONG? Girl, realize, you don't have to make these changes to make him notice you.

Magazines tell you you have to go through hoops to catch his attention. You have to dress right, talk right, walk right, look right, weigh right... but what is right? Chance is, you'll end up a phony. A big unhappy phony.

YOU DON'T HAVE TO CHANGE YOURSELF TO MAKE MR. RIGHT FALL FOR YOU. If he was mr right, he'd fall for you on the spot watching you sleep, your saliva drooling, your hair disheveled, your breath like a... never mind.

Sure we have to keep ourselves pretty for our men. But hey, don't forget yourself in the process. Don't give him all the credit for all this personal revamping of yours. You wanna change your hair for him, your attitude for him, you'd buy a car for him... PLEASE you don't have to go through such hoops for love which will end up unrequited soon. Do it for yourself instead to naturally feel good about yourself. No validation needed from the guy you've been secretly in love with for the past week (LOL) or 10 years.

GET REAL. Men have feelers for fakes like cockroaches have feelers for food. He would know when you are trying too hard AND THAT my dears will turn him off. Most guys don't want women to go through too much ordeal, they will think we're overdoing it. This leaves them choked and unchallenged.

I SAID MOST, not all. The other portion of that group GLOAT. They love to see their women suffer (a subtle version of sadist, perhaps) and go through hoops for them. I ADVICE YOU TO STEER CLEAR FROM THESE MEN. NOT GOOD. AT ALL.

Males were genetically programmed to hunt for preys. Getting it too easily throws most of them back. They love the chase, the challenge because it makes their find very much worth while. Guys who want it the easier way are either too lazy or not serious at all. Stay away from those kinds.

Woman, you don't have to overdo and outdo yourself or anyone else. If a guy wants to chase you, let him chase you. Don't make it too easy for him by doing desperate moves to get close to him. You'll end up looking and acting like a fool. Seriously!

I was one of these desperate women just so I can attract Mr. Right. All I ended up was Mr. Right-Now and Right-Now meant an hour's worth of conversation and then utter silence.

All I'm saying is... give yourself some credit  every time you're hitting on a guy. Liking him doesn't mean lowering yourself to a minute object in the world. So what if you like him? Yeah, I do like him. No big deal. Life goes on whether he likes me or not. I may sound like a really insensitive b*t*h but hey! life doesn't start an end with momentary bliss from a guy you have been crushing on.

If the guy was meant for you, then he'll come around and ask your number. If he's interested in you he'll make the first move no matter how shy he is. In modern times I know it's considered taboo to believe in destiny but I do. So girls, you don't have to make much fuss. If he's for you, he's going to be yours eventually, naturally without you every changing the size of your boobs or your nose. He will love you for you even when you're the ugliest creature when you wake up.

How Do You Heal a Broken Heart? (part 1)

The biggest question remains after a breakup. How do I deal? How do I mend? How do I heal my broken heart? The answer is, you don't. You only learn to cope but never to mend.

See the heart is just like your skin. You get a gash: you bleed, it clots, the skin heals but the scar remains. Broken hearts work in the same way. You end a relationship, you cry, you feel numb and you sulk, you go out and socialize but falling in love again for you is not easy because at the back of your mind the hurt remains.

Like the scar tissue, the past painful experience leaves a souvenir you'd carry with you all your life. The nature or history of your broken heart does not even matter whether they cheated on you, left you for someone else, or just plain unrequited love.

The key to moving on: COPING. 

Coping totally depends on the person. My coping mechanisms will be different from yours or his or hers. BUT! never confuse coping mechanisms from defense mechanisms. Coping mechanisms help you positively by getting over the problem while defense mechanisms only get you around the problem but not over the problem. In short, you get to move on with coping. Defense mechanisms only make you find temporary answers but you'll only be moving around your problem over and over again.

Get this for example: My ex-boyfriend broke up with me over a year ago, my answer to that was to get to know a string of guys only to find myself empty. Why? Because I ended up trying to either compare them to him OR trying to say he's going to be better. Did I feel better? ABSOLUTELY NOT! It made the situation worse. That was defense mechanism. I tried to substitute what was no longer there with something that can suffice. I realized later on that it didn't help me be happy.

Now here's coping: After realizing I wasn't happy with what I did (and even made a fool of myself), I stopped and examined where I went wrong. The answer? Because bottomline, I never got over the issue. I dropped everything, stopped forcing myself to find an available guy out there and started to enjoy whatever came my way. Guess what? IT WORKED! I was indeed in a relationship! In a relationship with myself.

Then I was happy again. Why? I got over the painful situation, the crying, the sulking, the silly actions. I am not saying that I have totally forgotten about what had happened. The lesson I learned from that situation is something I would really hold dear. But like the scar tissue, it's just a souvenir. It tingles sometimes when someone reminds me of it but the important part is I am a better person after the broken heart.

Coping does not come to you over night, depending on how attached you were to the person. We all have different coping mechanisms but I am telling you, once you have realized how you can get over it, get over it. Help yourself. Love yourself above all else :)

Love Advices From a Broken Heart

Yes, I did get my heart broken. Many times to be exact. So how can a person like me, broken hearted, give love advices to people who I may not possibly know? Simple, we all learn from our mistakes.

I'm not saying that I am the master in love. If I was, my track record for intimate relationships would be the best. Sadly, it's the absolute opposite but I'm not complaining (not yet!).

When you get your heart broken, you feel like you could not relate to love anymore. It's true for some time but did it ever occur to you that the end of a relationship will lead to a new, perhaps lasting, relationship? A broken heart, after the hating and the sulking, is an eye opener of what you have and have not done. It's actually a gauge for a person to know himself or herself when he or she is in love.

What I really want to do with this blog is to reach out to people and perhaps make them aware what to do and what not to do from the third person perspective. Like I said I don't have a perfect love history but at least at that time I tried. Whatever thoughts and experience in love that I have gone through, I always share with my friends and acquaintances. Now it's time to share my love advices to the rest of the world

I acknowledge the fact that we are all different: we think, act and feel differently. Therefore, I am not generalizing. Love and relationships really depend on the situation and the people. So at one point or another you may or may not agree with me but see that's the beauty of it, we get to learn.

This blog, I hope will help people in many ways. You can take it seriously or you can test with your own relationships. You can even just entertain yourself. If you are aspiring to be in one of these kinds of relationships, then you can use some of the advices in the future.

Love Advices from a Broken Heart I hope will help you with how you handle your relationships and I want this as interactive as possible! The beauty of love: there is no wrong and no right. It's all trial and error. It needs a lot of patience, understanding and faith. If you ask me, even with a bruised ego and a shattered heart, I would want to fall in love. I can't even wait to fall in love again!